I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
