also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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