$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
