i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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