I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
