Too much gin, very little bucket
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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