I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
