I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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