I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
