o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
People in love make me want to vomit
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
