WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
