I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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