My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
handjob tips. give me some.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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