Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
