so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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