I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
