Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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