I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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