just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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