i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
