He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
