What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
