How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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