she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we're making bets on your personal life
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
