Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
