She's JV to your varsity
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
