The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
