Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
