U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
After last night, I could never be a politician.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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