Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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