i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
