It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
a search helicopter?!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
