His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
