Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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