...so i touched it.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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