wat bout pragnant strippers??
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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