"it" just moved
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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