yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
