The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
