dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
