can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Randomize
