Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
