We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
