he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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