im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
