Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Randomize
