Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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