Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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