Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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