did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
