So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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