Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
