Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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