and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
