You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I intend to get homeless drunk
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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