OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
